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Lodge Grit

Top 5 Worst Pro Snowboarders!

Hamilton Bridges

by Hamilton Bridges

...to invite to Thanksgiving dinner!

Thanksgiving is a time for family to gather and give thanks. Thanks to the pilgrims who ran aground back east with offerings of small pox and enslavement to the indigenous peoples of North America.

Or, as it is celebrated in my house, drinking as much as possible to forget you are related to these people you are surrounded by on the last Thursday of November.

The only thing that could make it worse is inviting any of these 5 people over for some dead bird and stuffing.

1. Nate Bozung- “Mommy, why does the man’s face look like a truckstop bathroom wall?” It’s true, Boznuts’ face does look like a 3rd graders sketch book, but…aw shit, Nate is about as sweet as a puppy dog. That is unless he has recently broken up with a girlfriend which would result in a lot of swearing and probably his genitalia in the gravy.

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Mr. Boznuts

2. Annie Boulanger- The only thing worse than a Donald Trump presidency is someone who wants to see the Turkeys birth certificate. If you are going to do turkey day with someone, try to focus on where the dead bird is going not where it came from. Was is free range, was it grass fed, did it have friends? Who cares, it’s going to be turned into poop in about 8 hours !

3. Halldor Helgason- When inviting a person to Thanksgiving it’s best to find someone who actually eats what most humans consider to be food. Halldor pretty much just eats high fructose corn syrup…and vodka. That plus nobody wants Icelandic face pubes in the mashed potatoes.

4. Todd Richards- Fuck that dude, could you be more irreverent ? What are you, like 87 now? He would be lucky if he lived through the saying of grace.

5. Bode Merrill- Hey caveman save some for the rest of us! When you have the physique of a linebacker you obviously consume more than the average sized person. When you are a godammned snowboarding machine of doom, you probably will eat the plates and the tablecloth as well. Look asshole, I wanted to have some of Grandma’s pie too, you damned food vacuum!

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Yum?

Nature: Man shakes fist at God!

Clegg

by Clegg

Our snow expert's newest recommendation!

Last season was world record bad in America’s northeast. My meteorological colleagues predicted that the El Niño conditions across the Pacific would push warmer than usual air through the region thusly affecting snowfall and this is exactly what happened.

It was considered the worst season in at least 25 years.

The outlook is much better for this season from Burlington to Boston but also there has been a large scale investment in snowmaking equipment. Man is wrestling control back from God.

“We’re going to make winter regardless of what Mother Nature hands us,” Sunday River spokesperson Darcy Morse told the Boston Globe yesterday. “We certainly hope that we get more natural snow, but I think that in times when Mother Nature tests what we can do, we had a really great season regardless of the lack of snow.”

Sunday River has invested more than $7 million in its snow-making system since 2007, and it now includes more than 2,000 snow guns. The resort’s ability to make snow allowed it to remain open last season from October until April, this despite the troubles that other resorts across the region faced.

This, plus the cold furnace currently blasting Siberia bodes well for the Northeast and you should be able to bury your nose early this season or get a table at Hyde in the Bellagio.

Either way.

Dearest crybaby brand… Let’s dance!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Turn that frown upside down and pour some sugar on me!

I have been a fly in surf now snow’s soup for the better part of fifteen years. I laugh and kick and poke and cajole and bop and twirl and laugh again. Oh it’s all part of my dance, baby, and I have the most anti-depressive fun ever but it’s a dance that enrages, every once in a while, and particularly enrages the brands.

Their feets just sometimes get in my way. Their Volcom Creedlers. And I stomp and laugh and grind and bounce and laugh again but the owners of the Volcom Creedlers are not amused. They are not having fun.

What do you think they do though? Do you think they shout at me? Do you think they scream, “Nobody is enjoying themselves except YOU, asshole!” Do you think they holler, “Get off the floor, prick!”

No.

They don’t.

And here’s the craziest thing. I have never once in all my better part of fifteen years been called by a brand for laughing and poking and kicking. Not once. I sometimes hear through friends of friends of friends that such and such a brand is apoplectic or upset or hurt but nobody from the brand ever calls me.

Never.

And the flailing brands, the Volcoms, wonder why their sales are down through the floor and the dream is slipping from their grasp. We used to be outsiders all of us. We used to really and truly be against the establishment. We used to know, deep in our hearts, that what we did was not serious and that is exactly why we did it. We used to laugh and not be afraid to laugh even when other’s poked fun because we were all in on the same joke.

We used to step lightly.

Though no longer. Now dark and serious clouds fill the horizon. A Heavy and depressed march. Not reaching sales goals. Not matching market expectations. Stock prices slip, slip, slipping.

I will say, though, the brands lost their senses of humor long before they lost their sales.

So here we stand. Impotent rage boiling but never given release. A private gnashing of teeth. A public miscalculated failing.

But Mr. Brand Manager who refuses to call me, would you would permit me one small bit of analysis? The posted fun-making stories about you soar. Their traffic goes through the roof and do you want to know why? Because when you forgot who you were and chased a market that doesn’t exist your core consumer was left heartbroken and alone. So now he cheers for your demise. Now she mocks your failure. Now he shares stories stomping your Creedlers.

But it’s not too late! The heartbroken are only ever waiting for love to come calling again. For love to present a hand and loosen its hips.

The music is still playing, dear Volcom! Call me and let’s tango!

It’s anti-depressive!

History: Come shred the Winterstick™!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Do you like going really, really, ridiculously fast?

Surfers are bastards (as established here just days ago). Arrogant. Unrepentant. Unaware. Surfers think they can nose into other subcultural pursuits just because.

But look at this Winterstick™ right here! It was co-invented by a surfer and don’t you kind of want to try it? Doesn’t it look fun?

Matt Warshaw, famous surf historian, was poking around this archives today and stumbled upon the Winterstick™ which was featured in a 1977 issue of Surfer magazine with the caption:

People who have backgrounds in surfing will discover that they know how to snow surf. Small weight shifts elicit much response. Using the flex and torque of the board such as cranking and extending results in positive fluid carves.

The company is still around today and describes its history thusly:

The Winterstick story began in the late ’60s when Winterstick founder Dimitrije Milovich met up with New Jersey surfboard shaper, Wayne Stoveken. Stoveken, whom Milovich believed to be the first snowboarder, had started making snow-surfboard designs, and he showed Milovich a few construction ideas.

Inspired by Stoveken’s designs and also by the now-famous surf film Five Summer Stories, Milovich started making his own snowboards. In 1972, Milovich dropped out of college and moved to Utah to work full time on developing his new designs in the Wasatch backcountry. Later that year, he patented the first modern snowboard, the Swallowtail.

I poked around the website and discovered they have a Tom Burt model. I’ve had the honor of snowboarding with Tom Burt a few times and by “with” I mean “one mile behind.”

Tom Burt is the fastest snowboarder I’ve ever even seen! You can buy his here or a version of the original swallowtail here.

And if you ever find yourself snowboarding “with” Tom Burt try to remember what he’s wearing so you can find him in the lodge or parking lot whenever the day is over.

Bode Merrill serves facial explosion!

Muzzey

by Muzzey

A part so unrestrained you can't help but groan!

What a week! That ridiculous @frankbourg part, the Too Hard edit, the Union movie—Gigi! Kazu! Stevens! And now… Bode dumps out Reckless Abandon. We weren’t ready!

Bode Fucking Merrill. Part animal, part machine.

This part will make you shart! Rewind. Rewatch. Groan at the screen. Possibly re-shart.

9 minutes of unrestrained facial sodomy.

What he accomplished on his trick stick in one winter is nothing short of a miracle.

Reckless Abandon Bode Merrill FULL PART from Jon Ray on Vimeo.