Opinion: Santa better than God!

"Hope. Pray. Sit, stand, kneel. Repent!"

We’re naturally inclined to put our faith in ridiculous bullshit ideas. Like, “I can clear that gap” and “My method is pretty stylish” or: “El Niño year, bro, it’s gonna dump.” Straight up Fantasy Island.

Hope. Pray. Sit, stand, kneel. Repent. C’mon. Why bother? There’s no puppeteer pulling the strings. You knuckle. The photo of your method is actual dogpuke and … sadly … Colorado right now.

So stifle those prayers to little baby Jesus and face reality head on. Suffer or thrive on merit and chance. On effort. On physics! And/or, if you just can’t let go and still need an all-powerful space fairy to lead you through life, choose Santa Claus instead. Here’s why:

• He rewards you before you die.

• He leaves gifts like Union Ultra bindings and Airblaster Ninja Suits no matter what your religious beliefs, sexuality, gender, or lifestyle may be.

• Santa’s “plan” is to stoke you out, not to teach you a lesson about humility by breaking your leg.

• If you’re naughty, he might punish you but next year you start with a clean slate.

• Santa has just one rule: Be nice.

Buy: Gloves for the snow’s pleasure!

Don't be a selfish snowboarder.

Are you a selfish snowboarder? Do you only think about your own needs when on the hill? Will you put your desires above the snow’s every time?

According to Dr. Gracie Landes, a snow, relationships, and family therapist based in New York, a selfish snowboarder may be harder to peg down than you think.

“I see [selfishness] as existing on a spectrum that runs from not showing very little care or concern about the snow (not relational and absolutely not okay) to knowing what you want and being able to ask for it (relational and okay as long as you ask respectfully and negotiate rather than coerce),” she said in an interview with Bustle.

The latter, as she points out, is highly advised; you are aware of what you want, and you are taking initiative to get it in a healthy manner.

The former, however, is the attitude that presents a problem.

This glove here will help put you in touch with what the snow wants.

If you need more help take this test here to see if you are a selfish snowboarder.

Theft: The U.S. stole the snowboard!

Thieves! We are unrepentant thieves!

The history of snowboarding, who exactly first turned sideways on one plank down a hill, etc. is shrouded in the wonderful mists of time. Tom Sims and Jake Burton and the snurfer guy and all of them credited and all of them deserving of praise and all of them patriotic Yankees.

Yes, snowboarding is as American as apple pie. As Bruce Springsteen. As baseball. As the colors red, white and blue. As the Ford F-150. As Donald J. Trump’s combover. As the Big Mac. As U and S and A.

But wait!

Wait one goddamned second!

Apparently they were snowboarding in Turkey some 300 years ago. Making snowboarding as Turkish as hammams. As pashas. As the Hagia Sophia. As the Bosphorus. As Ottomans. As Young Turks. As Turkish delight.

Here’s video proof…

Here's lookin at you kid!

Choco-Ass: Make Small Things Big Again!

Have you ever ridden a snowskate? Come marvel at a master at work!

We’re a few days behind but Terje is always a few steps ahead. Whether he’s riding a snowboard, surfboard, skateboard, or some combination all three, old Uncle T makes it nice. His new snowskating edit is stacked.

Of course everyone has already had this up but helllllloooo! Mammoth? Come watch here! Or do yourself a flavor and watch again!

(Fun fact: Did you know Terje’s Instagram handle @chocorompe means “choco ass” in Norwegian? Now you can win Jeopardy!)

Modern man: Shred in Lululemon!

Baby it's cold outside. Come get warm with this sick gear!

Are you a man? Who totally loves when autumn hits so you can go to Starbucks and get all your favorite pumpkin spice treats? Like a vanilla pumpkin spice Frappuccino? Or a dulce du leche pumpkin spice latte? Do you need dedicated “me time” every week? Maybe a mani-pedi followed by anything Sarah-Jessica Parker? Or a long walk in the park with a little dog? Or SoulCycle n chill?

Well now there is outerwear label for your snow missions!

You may know Lululemon from your wife/girlfriend’s yoga drawer but now the Vancouver-based brand is making shells and puffies waterproof and warm enough for the worst weather Aspen can throw.

Boys’ trip!

Just imagine! A snuggly cabin tucked off the cat track. Pumpkin spice hot chocolate n chill. Chair gossip. OMG. Apres. Etc.

Lululemon! True to Siss!

And now, also, you can tick Lululemon off as a potential advertiser alongside Volcom and Burton for your fifth favorite snow website LodgeGrit. Do you think Volcom and Burton like being in the same basket as Lululemon? Do you think they are snuggling and keeping each other warm while drinking pumpkin spice hot chocolates?