"Hope. Pray. Sit, stand, kneel. Repent!"
We’re naturally inclined to put our faith in ridiculous bullshit ideas. Like, “I can clear that gap” and “My method is pretty stylish” or: “El Niño year, bro, it’s gonna dump.” Straight up Fantasy Island.
Hope. Pray. Sit, stand, kneel. Repent. C’mon. Why bother? There’s no puppeteer pulling the strings. You knuckle. The photo of your method is actual dogpuke and … sadly … Colorado right now.
So stifle those prayers to little baby Jesus and face reality head on. Suffer or thrive on merit and chance. On effort. On physics! And/or, if you just can’t let go and still need an all-powerful space fairy to lead you through life, choose Santa Claus instead. Here’s why:
• He rewards you before you die.
• He leaves gifts like Union Ultra bindings and Airblaster Ninja Suits no matter what your religious beliefs, sexuality, gender, or lifestyle may be.
• Santa’s “plan” is to stoke you out, not to teach you a lesson about humility by breaking your leg.
• If you’re naughty, he might punish you but next year you start with a clean slate.
• Santa has just one rule: Be nice.