The day I-Pod blew off Dr. Strange!

Iouri Podladtchikov is a great gift!

Iouri Podladtchikov is an under-appreciated gift. A figure snowboarding is lucky to have. Oh, I know you think… what? That he is self-obsessed? That he is 5 x too cocky? That he is too… what? Sexy?

Well he is! 5 x too sexy!

I’ve had the privilege of spending so much time with man (my wife represents him!). We’ve partied together with a 5 x too drunk/? David Arquette. We’ve painted the penthouse of the Chateau Marmont a strange shade of purple (or rather my daughter did). We’ve eaten Aspen alive (and by “Aspen” I mean “Matsuhisa”).

But my favorite moment with I-Pod* was at an Oscar party two years ago.

Iouri had just won his Sochi gold medal, vanquishing Shaun White and bringing glory to Russia/Switzerland. I was so happy about the victory because I imagined Shaun as Rocky and Iouri as the perfect Ivan Drago. Didn’t you want Ivan Drago to win?

I did.


In any case, Iouri was toast of the town and invited everywhere. Even an Oscar party. I don’t know how I got through the door (my wife!) but it was totally star-studded. Everyone was there. Even Tom Cruise.

And Kim Kardashian.

Iouri stood off to the side being self-obsessed, cocky and sexy and up came Benedict Cumberbatch, Hollywood’s hottest (by far) future star.

Benedict gushed, “Iouri… I’m sorry to interrupt but I am a massive fan…”

Iouri stared at him very coldly.

Benedict stammered on about how impressive the gold medal run was etc. and asked if Iouri would maybe possibly consider joining his group out later that evening.

Iouri vibed him for a moment before saying, “I think I’m going to go out later with Tara Reid.”

I had never witnessed a burn so severe, so all-encompassing. Benedict slunk off only to marry the gorgeous Sophie Hunter and star in Star Trek, The Imitation Game and the almost released Dr. Strange.

Iouri just kept on living the dream.

*I-Pod is the best nickname ever. Just imagine your sobriquet was LazerDizk. Or 8-Trak. Or MP3. Yeah. You’d rule too.

Halloween: Nazi zombies in Norway!

Just when you thought it was safe to go to Lillehammer!

Did you know that during World War II the Nazi regime brutally occupied Norway? The German army quickly swept through the country in 1940, characteristically slaying all who stood up to its amphetamine fueled xenophobia.

Why was Hitler interested in Norway?

According to The History Learning Site:

Control of Norway’s extensive coastline would have been very important in the battle for control of the North Sea and easing the passage of German warships and submarines into the Atlantic. The control of Norway would also aid Germany’s ability to import iron ore from Sweden.

But maybe there was more? Maybe the Nazi soldiers wanted to get their rocks off and shred Lillehammer?

A film depicts a group of kids running into some Nazis that were left behind. It’s an older film but it’s new to me. Watch the trailer if you never want to sleep again. Also take some amphetamine if you never want to sleep for a few days.

Boo: Bloodbath of Frenzied Carnage!

It's halloween. Frank Bourgeoise wants to melt your face.

Frank Bourgeois is a cool, calculated killer known for brutally attacking spots, eviscerating them and leaving them for dead. His weapon of choice, hammers. The likely victim: your self-esteem.

Next to the word tabernac in the Dictionnaire Quebecois-Français, there’s a picture of Frank’s smiling face.

Is there remorse in his eyes?

Not a trace.

Press play and watch him crush.

Party: There’s a blizzard in Tahoe!


Squaw etc. opens in less than two week and as of today things are looking very promising. Snow is falling and it is falling thick. The locals, no doubt, thrilled.


Tahoe’s resorts are set to open in the next few weeks and what will you do if you live in California or the Pacific Northwest? Will you blow off work/school/work/family and head for an early taste or will you take a wait and see approach?

I recommend you getting while you can. Or to quote my good and great friend Tony Montana:

All I have is my balls and my word and I don’t break ’em for no one.

Watch this and quit your job in the morning.

Apocalypse: Let’s pair with Scotty Lago!

The end of the world is nigh. Who's gonna be on your A-Team?

The world is sure a crazy place right now ain’t it though? ISIS, Zika, Trump, Brexit, global warming, Monsanto + Bayer, immigration crises, Trump + Putin, etc. If you squint it kinda looks like the apocalypse.


Is it the apocalypse?

I think maybe yes and if I’ve learned anything from The Walking Dead it’s good to have a team during the end of the world and so I started to think… who do I want to pair with?

I don’t want anyone lily-livered. I don’t want anyone too depressive. I don’t want anyone with the same lousy skill set that I have (‘tween us, I have no skills).

I want Scotty Lago!

The stylish bronze medalist from New Hampshire wears a beard better than anyone, knows his way around camouflage face paint and is very very smart about his firearms. Reading his Instagram comments it seems like lots of people don’t understand/appreciate his gun appreciation but I will tell you what, Scotty is the ideal gun owner. He is conscientious as he is careful. He says on the National Rifle Association’s blog:

I feel like nowadays people are getting soft and feeling a need to be so politically correct. I respect that not everyone is going to love hunting and firearms. At the same time, I wish those people would respect our love for it. It is part of our country’s history, it is a culture and it is my way of life. The country is so divided on this…and that bums me out.

The silver lining is that hunting season is right around the corner and I couldn’t be more excited!

I want to be in his duck blind when the zombies start their march!