Iouri Podladtchikov is a great gift!
Iouri Podladtchikov is an under-appreciated gift. A figure snowboarding is lucky to have. Oh, I know you think… what? That he is self-obsessed? That he is 5 x too cocky? That he is too… what? Sexy?
Well he is! 5 x too sexy!
I’ve had the privilege of spending so much time with man (my wife represents him!). We’ve partied together with a 5 x too drunk/? David Arquette. We’ve painted the penthouse of the Chateau Marmont a strange shade of purple (or rather my daughter did). We’ve eaten Aspen alive (and by “Aspen” I mean “Matsuhisa”).
But my favorite moment with I-Pod* was at an Oscar party two years ago.
Iouri had just won his Sochi gold medal, vanquishing Shaun White and bringing glory to Russia/Switzerland. I was so happy about the victory because I imagined Shaun as Rocky and Iouri as the perfect Ivan Drago. Didn’t you want Ivan Drago to win?
In any case, Iouri was toast of the town and invited everywhere. Even an Oscar party. I don’t know how I got through the door (my wife!) but it was totally star-studded. Everyone was there. Even Tom Cruise.
And Kim Kardashian.
Iouri stood off to the side being self-obsessed, cocky and sexy and up came Benedict Cumberbatch, Hollywood’s hottest (by far) future star.
Benedict gushed, “Iouri… I’m sorry to interrupt but I am a massive fan…”
Iouri stared at him very coldly.
Benedict stammered on about how impressive the gold medal run was etc. and asked if Iouri would maybe possibly consider joining his group out later that evening.
Iouri vibed him for a moment before saying, “I think I’m going to go out later with Tara Reid.”
I had never witnessed a burn so severe, so all-encompassing. Benedict slunk off only to marry the gorgeous Sophie Hunter and star in Star Trek, The Imitation Game and the almost released Dr. Strange.
Iouri just kept on living the dream.
*I-Pod is the best nickname ever. Just imagine your sobriquet was LazerDizk. Or 8-Trak. Or MP3. Yeah. You’d rule too.