Iouri in Laax and Moncler.

Fashion: Swag hits the Slopes!

Hondo

By

Iouri Podladtchikov and Moncler team up to make magic!

Have you ever seen a collaboration that really got you hyped? Well one just came out that I think is really dope. Now it might seem strange, but hear me out before you tell me to fuck off…

The collab I’m talking about is Iouri Podladtchikov and Moncler. You know iPod, he’s the pretentious Swiss Russian bro who won the Olympics in the worlds shittiest halfpipe. Stole the thunder right out of Shaun White, and instantly made Sage Kotsenburg the most famous Olympic snowboarder of the Sochi Games.

Well lately I’ve been starting to really back iPod.

The dude has serious class and doesn’t hide about what he’s about. Take in point how he compares his snowboarding to ballet. Ballet is fucking bad ass, and it’s hard, and mad graceful and none of you yankee fucks have that type of class and grace to put on the tutu.

He also dresses impeccably well, and hangs with seriously hot girls. So that’s pretty dope

Moncler on the other hand is just dope. If you don’t know what it is that’s the point. It’s gear that I wish I could afford. This collab is making no excuses, you can’t afford it, and it’s not for you.

No bullshit. It’s just not for you.

Volcom's Georgia May seen shredding.

Just in: Volcom signs major superstar!

Chas Smith

By

The Establishment stays True to This!

Volcom, as you read right here just days ago, has quietly spent the last two months gutting its snow program. Decapitating all but a very few riders and most of the long time management team. Littering the earth with headless bodies. Cutting costs, theoretically. Improving the bottom line, maybe.

Oh sure the names of the dearly departed (Dan Brisse, Gabe Ferguson, Christy Prior, Chandler Hunt and Brock Crouch) may not well-known but that’s not the point. That’s not the fucking point!

The point, I think, is that the brands are built on the backs of those who actually do the thing. Those who live and die seasonal deaths. Kicking back down through the ranks was a way to honor that. And paying people to ride, especially no name kids, represented the essence of a derelict dream. Or it did to me.

Like a populist on his soapbox I railed against the Stone for this grave injustice. This cowardly hit. This destruction of, dare I utter the word, soul!

But, today, I have learned I was wrong!

It has been revealed that Volcom was simply saving pennies to sign a major superstar. A woman who represents what we love to an absolute T. A shred of the highest order.

Ladies and gentleman, may I present…

Georgia May Jagger!

The daughter of The Rolling Stones’ frontman Mick Jagger and his ex-wife supermodel Jerry Hall is herself a supermodel and now the face of Volcom. Let’s read from Vogue!

Georgia May Jagger might be the quintessential British cool girl, but her style isn’t solely restricted to modish dresses and Chelsea boots. As a newly appointed ambassador for Volcom, the model has found herself incorporating ski, skate, and surf apparel into her everyday wardrobe.

Hell yes! ski apparel in her everyday wardrobe! Everyday! And I do apologize Volcom for I was very far out of line. Georgia May Jagger, from an iconic and powerful family, represents our passion, our esprit de corps. She is a youth against establishment.

She is true to this.

The day I-Pod blew off Dr. Strange!

Chas Smith

By

Iouri Podladtchikov is a great gift!

Iouri Podladtchikov is an under-appreciated gift. A figure snowboarding is lucky to have. Oh, I know you think… what? That he is self-obsessed? That he is 5 x too cocky? That he is too… what? Sexy?

Well he is! 5 x too sexy!

I’ve had the privilege of spending so much time with man (my wife represents him!). We’ve partied together with a 5 x too drunk/? David Arquette. We’ve painted the penthouse of the Chateau Marmont a strange shade of purple (or rather my daughter did). We’ve eaten Aspen alive (and by “Aspen” I mean “Matsuhisa”).

But my favorite moment with I-Pod* was at an Oscar party two years ago.

Iouri had just won his Sochi gold medal, vanquishing Shaun White and bringing glory to Russia/Switzerland. I was so happy about the victory because I imagined Shaun as Rocky and Iouri as the perfect Ivan Drago. Didn’t you want Ivan Drago to win?

I did.

screen-shot-2016-10-31-at-4-25-54-pm

In any case, Iouri was toast of the town and invited everywhere. Even an Oscar party. I don’t know how I got through the door (my wife!) but it was totally star-studded. Everyone was there. Even Tom Cruise.

And Kim Kardashian.

Iouri stood off to the side being self-obsessed, cocky and sexy and up came Benedict Cumberbatch, Hollywood’s hottest (by far) future star.

Benedict gushed, “Iouri… I’m sorry to interrupt but I am a massive fan…”

Iouri stared at him very coldly.

Benedict stammered on about how impressive the gold medal run was etc. and asked if Iouri would maybe possibly consider joining his group out later that evening.

Iouri vibed him for a moment before saying, “I think I’m going to go out later with Tara Reid.”

I had never witnessed a burn so severe, so all-encompassing. Benedict slunk off only to marry the gorgeous Sophie Hunter and star in Star Trek, The Imitation Game and the almost released Dr. Strange.

Iouri just kept on living the dream.

*I-Pod is the best nickname ever. Just imagine your sobriquet was LazerDizk. Or 8-Trak. Or MP3. Yeah. You’d rule too.

Halloween: Nazi zombies in Norway!

Chas Smith

By

Just when you thought it was safe to go to Lillehammer!

Did you know that during World War II the Nazi regime brutally occupied Norway? The German army quickly swept through the country in 1940, characteristically slaying all who stood up to its amphetamine fueled xenophobia.

Why was Hitler interested in Norway?

According to The History Learning Site:

Control of Norway’s extensive coastline would have been very important in the battle for control of the North Sea and easing the passage of German warships and submarines into the Atlantic. The control of Norway would also aid Germany’s ability to import iron ore from Sweden.

But maybe there was more? Maybe the Nazi soldiers wanted to get their rocks off and shred Lillehammer?

A film depicts a group of kids running into some Nazis that were left behind. It’s an older film but it’s new to me. Watch the trailer if you never want to sleep again. Also take some amphetamine if you never want to sleep for a few days.

Boo: Bloodbath of Frenzied Carnage!

Muzzey

By

It's halloween. Frank Bourgeoise wants to melt your face.

Frank Bourgeois is a cool, calculated killer known for brutally attacking spots, eviscerating them and leaving them for dead. His weapon of choice, hammers. The likely victim: your self-esteem.

Next to the word tabernac in the Dictionnaire Quebecois-Français, there’s a picture of Frank’s smiling face.

Is there remorse in his eyes?

Not a trace.

Press play and watch him crush.